Wrap me in your arms

Oh my goodness.  Today during Praise and Worship the Praise Team sang a song by William McDowell called "Wrap me in your arms".  While singing, I started remembering how God protected me in his arms through sickness.  I remember specifically being in the ICU after my back surgery.  I had just finished eating breakfast and suddenly became very cold.  I could not stop shivering.  The nurse brought me a fresh, warmed blanket and put it on top of the one I already had.  But, I continued to shiver.  I was shivering all the way down to my toes.  It was like I was almost convulsing with cold.  I remember distinctly feeling the presence of my grandmother, one of God's angels.  I felt her holding me in her arms and rocking me.  The cold slowly began to subside and I began to fall asleep.  I woke up a few hours later feeling so safe and secure and warm.  I thanked God for sending my grandmother to keep me warm and for letting me know that He will take care of all of my needs.  He will always be there and will always protect me.  I especially love the part of the song where it says "Take me to that place Lord.  To that secret place where I can be with you.  You can make me like you."  Psalm 91 is my favorite scripture with its promises of protection, security, deliverance, and  salvation. So, going to that secret place, being under His shadow is such a great feeling.  Knowing that God will protect you, as long as you stay under His shadow is very comforting to know.  There is nobody like God!

So now what? How am I going to tell my family?

From note on May 7, 2003

I've decided to write down my thoughts.  I've never gone through anything like this.  I haven't been in the hospital since the day I was born.  So, I have no idea what it will be like.  I go in for my first chemo treatment on the 12th.  I will have 5 non-stop days of chemo every month.  I don't know how to tell my family.  How do you call your Mom and tell her you have cancer?  What am I supposed to say to my Dad?  How and the world am I going to tell Alonzo?  He has not gotten over losing his mom and that was 5 years ago.  So I don't know how he is going to take this news.  I just need to stay positive.  I just need to keep a good outlook.  THIS WILL NOT BEAT ME!!  I have to remember that.  I will not die from this!!  I have to remember that.