The doctor has finally agreed with God--Now aint that something?? :-)

On March 9, 2012, I had my semiannual check up with my oncologist.  As usual, all tests are normal and I am doing very well. We discussed the maintenance medications I had been taking.  For the past nearly 9 years, I have been getting a 3 hour infusion of medicine to protect my bones.  My doctor declared that she is pretty sure that I am cancer free and can stop the infusion medicine!!!  REALLY!! God told me I was cancer free nearly 9 years ago.  I am glad she has finally caught up to Him. :-)  I just thank God for being true to His Word, that he is a healer, He is the God that healeth thee.  If you stay true to Him and believe His Word, there is nothing that is impossible for us to do, there is no victory that will elude us.  God you are so awesome.

I needed a blood transfusion

There I was in May 2003, a week shy of my 39th birthday and  having just received what I thought would be a death sentence.  99% of my body was occupied with cancerous cells running through my blood. My own blood was killing me.  Blood is supposed to be a life force.    How can my blood be killing me? You can live without certain organs, but you CAN'T live without blood. I felt defeated for possibly the first time in my life.  But, God told me he would heal me.  His son, my brother, Jesus, shed his clean, pure, life giving blood for me.  He had already exchanged my cancerous, deadly blood for his pure, life-giving blood (Isa 53:5).  I just needed to accept the transfusion.  How do I accept a blood transfusion from a spiritual being??  You can't use a hypodermic needle and tubes.  You have to confess.  I confessed Jesus as my Savior and that He is the Son of God who died for me.  Wow, thousands of years before my birth and cancer diagnosis, God had already set up the way to healing.  He was already thinking of me (Ps 139:17).  He knew from the beginning (Jer 1:5).  He already knew what I needed.  I needed a spiritual blood transfusion.

It's all about you God

I really enjoyed the 80 minute drive to work today.  I turned off the radio and just enjoyed having God beside me, listening to my prayers, giving me answers.  Oh, how I loved being in His presence.  How much I enjoyed being alone with Him and gratifying Him with my praise and worship.  I began to sing of God: " It's all about you God; It's all about you; You are  my savior, your are my healer, you are my redeemer; It's all about you God; It's all about you;  You are Jehovah Jireh; You are Jehovah Shalom; You are Jehovah Shama; It's all about you God, It's all about you; You are my peace; You are my joy; You are my strength; You are my smile; It's all about you God, it's all about you; You are ruler; You are king; It's all about you God; It's all about you; You are awesome; You are wonderful; You are so amazing; It's all about you God; It's all about you; It's all about you God; It's all about you.  I wish I could remember the melody, but I guess it was just for that special time this morning. 

I refuse

So, I had my physical yesterday, March 18, 2011.  My blood pressure is 147 /99, which is the highest it has ever been. I am only 2 pounds shy of my heaviest weight.  Why am I allowing my body to deteriorate?  I am not taking care of myself and allowing the day to day activities of life to hinder my health.  I keep allowing myself excuses for not working out. "I'm too tired from driving"; "I'm too tired from working"; I just want to go home and be with my husband"; or the best one--"I need to read the bible" knowing full well I am going to allow myself to be distracted from that as well.  I keep allowing myself excuses from eating properly.  Not that I eat a lot of junk food, but I don't eat enough good food.  I'm not eating the 6 small meals a day that is currently recommended to keep your metabolism high.  At best, I eat twice a day.  Did God heal me from this deadly cancer only for me to die from heart disease or a stroke because I am overweight?  Certainly not!!  He promised me that with "long life he will satisfy me and show me his salvation".  But, I have to do my part.  I have to cooperate with God's vision for my life. And that vision does not include being overweight, having high blood pressure and most of all, being out of breath at the top of the stairs. I refuse to continue to allow excuses keep me from enjoying the full health insurance benefits that God provides.  I can go to the gym, read my bible, worship and praise God, go to church, go to work and take care of my household.  I am fearfully and wonderfully made, marvelous are thy works.

I've already given you everthing you need

So it was August 2004 and I am home alone because Alonzo was still at work.  I was about to sit down on the couch to watch some tv and was holding on to the arm of the couch so I could sit down slowly.  After I sat down, I felt so sad and wanted to cry.  I'm crying to God and asking him, why is my back still hurting?  It has been a year since I had the back surgery to a remove cancerous cyst, so why does my back still hurt?  I'm still using the "grab-it" to pick up stuff I've dropped, I'm still leaning on the sink to brush my teeth, I'm still 2-footing the steps instead just walking up--all the things I did when I had the cyst in my back.  So, while I am crying and acting pitiful, God tells me, in no uncertain terms, "I've already given you everything you need, so stop "acting" sick.  I'm like, "huh"??  And God says it again, "I've already given you everything you need, so stop "acting" sick.  Basically, God was telling me that the reason my back still hurt, the reason I was still leaning on the sink to brush my teeth, the reason I was still using the "grab-it" was because I was not walking in my healing.  I was still "acting" sick.  I needed to get it together.  The next day, I decided I would start back working out.  I got up and walked on the treadmill for 30 minutes and then went into the garage to use the total gym.  When I went into the garage, I decided that I was going to trust God and today would be the day that I bent over and touch my toes.  So, I bent over and touched my toes for the first time in a year.  And lo and behold, my back did not hurt!  Like God said, He had already given me everything I needed, I just needed to stop "acting" sick.  I called my husband at his job and when he answered, I was like "I TOUCHED MY TOES!!!!!!  He was like---Um, ok.  But, it was not so much about touching my toes, it was about believing God and walking out his promises.  So, stop "acting" sick and walk confidently in the promises of God.

Wrap me in your arms

Oh my goodness.  Today during Praise and Worship the Praise Team sang a song by William McDowell called "Wrap me in your arms".  While singing, I started remembering how God protected me in his arms through sickness.  I remember specifically being in the ICU after my back surgery.  I had just finished eating breakfast and suddenly became very cold.  I could not stop shivering.  The nurse brought me a fresh, warmed blanket and put it on top of the one I already had.  But, I continued to shiver.  I was shivering all the way down to my toes.  It was like I was almost convulsing with cold.  I remember distinctly feeling the presence of my grandmother, one of God's angels.  I felt her holding me in her arms and rocking me.  The cold slowly began to subside and I began to fall asleep.  I woke up a few hours later feeling so safe and secure and warm.  I thanked God for sending my grandmother to keep me warm and for letting me know that He will take care of all of my needs.  He will always be there and will always protect me.  I especially love the part of the song where it says "Take me to that place Lord.  To that secret place where I can be with you.  You can make me like you."  Psalm 91 is my favorite scripture with its promises of protection, security, deliverance, and  salvation. So, going to that secret place, being under His shadow is such a great feeling.  Knowing that God will protect you, as long as you stay under His shadow is very comforting to know.  There is nobody like God!

So now what? How am I going to tell my family?

From note on May 7, 2003

I've decided to write down my thoughts.  I've never gone through anything like this.  I haven't been in the hospital since the day I was born.  So, I have no idea what it will be like.  I go in for my first chemo treatment on the 12th.  I will have 5 non-stop days of chemo every month.  I don't know how to tell my family.  How do you call your Mom and tell her you have cancer?  What am I supposed to say to my Dad?  How and the world am I going to tell Alonzo?  He has not gotten over losing his mom and that was 5 years ago.  So I don't know how he is going to take this news.  I just need to stay positive.  I just need to keep a good outlook.  THIS WILL NOT BEAT ME!!  I have to remember that.  I will not die from this!!  I have to remember that.